Mike's profileBEACHPARK!PhotosBlogListsMore  |  Tools Help |
|
March, 2007 Jocularity
Aloha Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the archangel found him on the seventh day resting. He enquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God pointed downwards through the clouds. "Look Michael, look what I've made"
said God. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"Its a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and its
going to be a great place of
balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth,
"For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth While South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot and Russia will be a cold spot.
Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people."
God continued, pointing to the different countries. "This one will be extremely hot
and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of land and
asked, "What's that?"
"Ah," said God. "That's South Australia, the most glorious place on earth.
There are beautiful people, impressive towns; it is the home of the world's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and politicians.
The people from South Australia are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world.
They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as speakers of truth."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed,"What about balance
God, you said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied very wisely, "Wait till you see the wankers I'm putting next to them in
Victoria."
 Q: What is an Australian Kiss?
A: Its like a French Kiss, only Down Under One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship," he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the stunned guy and says to him, "Tell me, how long has
it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years," replies the stunned man. With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says," Man, oh Man! Is that good!" "And how long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?" she
asks him. Trembling, the castaway replies, "Ten years." She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask,takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's absolutely fantastic!" At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that
runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man seductively and asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around?" With tears in his eyes, the guy falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh, sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too?!" The new Pope was having a shower. Although he is very strict about the
celibacy rules, he occasionally feels the need to exercise the right wrist, and this was one of these occasions. Just as he reached the Papal climax he saw a photographer taking a picture
of the holy seed flying through the air. "Hold on a minute" said the Pope. "You can't do that. You'll destroy the
reputation of the Catholic Church.". "This picture is my lottery win" said the photographer. "I'll be financially
secure for life." So, the Pope offered to buy the camera off the photographer, and after lots
of negotiation, they eventually arrived at a figure of two million quid. The Pope then dried himself off, and headed off with his new camera. He met his housekeeper, who spotted the camera. "That looks like a really
good camera," she said, "how much did it cost you?" "Two million quid" replied the Pope.
"TWO MILLION QUID!" said the housekeeper.............
"They must have seen you coming."
An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of
sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking
platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was
wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter replied,
"Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bulls testicles from the bull fight this
morning. A delicacy!"
The American, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the hell, I'm on vacation!
Bring me an order!" The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one
serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early
tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"
The next morning, the American returned, placed his order, and then that evening
he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and
inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said "Waiter, I'm a
little confused, but these are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve
yesterday!" The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si senor. Sometimes
the bull wins."
A man staggered into hospital with concussion, two black eyes and a five iron
wrapped tightly around his throat. The doctor asked what had happened. The
man replied, "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when, at a difficult
hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and
while I was searching around, I noticed one of the cows had something lodged in its
rear. I walked over, lifted its tail and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my
wife's monogram on it, right in the middle of the cow's backside. Still holding up the
cow's tail, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey this looks like yours!' "
Superman was feeling bored after a long day of crime fighting and wanted
to go out and party, so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club and pick up some girls. Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look after him. A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Cat woman. As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonder woman's apartment to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder woman naked on the bed with her legs open. Superman thought to himself: "I'm faster than a speeding bullet. I could
be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what was happening". So Superman did his Super Thing in a split second and flew off happily. Meanwhile on the bed, Wonder woman said: "Did you hear something?" "No" said the Invisible Man, "but my a** hurts like hell!". All of these are copied from http://www.ebroadcast.com.au 'Jokes & Jocularity' Thread! Only 88 of 180 pages of jokes scanned so far...I'll save some for the next post
  & meanwhile ~
Please be Sure to have wonderful days
 ! K-den
 Mike ne/NSWM  ke     Opps...P.S.~ We won't be selling BEACHPARK anytime soon
                                                                                
Gee, could it actually woik? Hummmm...10 Students. 1 Winner. You Decide March, 2007 FW: You will not be able to do this!!!
Want FREE talk & text to 5 Telstra numbers? Find out how March, 2007 Weather Report from Da Big Down Unda!
Aloha Aloha !!
 
Featured Forecasts at weather.com: Detailed Local ForecastHow to Read This
Win tickets to see Muse at London’s Wembley Stadium. Go now! March, 2007 1st Post Las Vegas Post
Aloha Aloha Space Cases
 ! It's been months since any comments were made on BEACHPARK! so it's been sparsely ammended -
 But since returning from Las Vegas, a brief visit to the MSN Spaces International site prompted 3 comments in 1 day, [even though two are from the same Canadian!]! Oh well, at least it's working in Canada!  Great to see it's woikin sumwhere...but so seldom USA...it's depressing  plus; it's gonna be awhile afore we git tah take anutta vacation  I wanna cry!  ***pulling self together***
  Cleek onda URL fer more peektures of BEACHPARK!
 & meanwhile ~Please be Sure to have wonderful days
!K-den
Mikene/NSWM ke
Gee, could it actually woik? Hummmm... |
~March30th~2007 
Cub Scouts
aka 
|
|
